Speaking the Truth with Transparency, Humor and Love
About Love Letters to Miscarried Moms
The Love Letters ministry began unwillingly in September of 2009. The night that I miscarried my first child God laid the phrase, the title, "Love Letters to Miscarried Moms" on my heart. On one of the darkest nights of my life, God revealed to me that my purpose in the midst of my own tragedy was bigger than myself.
As the years have passed, I have received many letters of thanks and many letters pleading for comfort and hope. For each one, I respond with a letter, a love letter, and I realize that God knew the ministry that this book would become long before the book was ever written.
Are you hanging in there? At some undistinguished point in the last six years, I have gone from surviving the day to actively searching out its blessings and looking for ways to be a blessing myself.
If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage quite recently, I can tell you from experience that the grief is survivable.
Sometimes I feel guilty for having had children. I wish so badly that every one of my readers would eventually be blessed with a child, but everyone's story is different.
And sometimes I feel guilty for moving through my grief, but I knew that I would. Something would be wrong if I hadn't.
That's why it was so important for me to write Love Letters when I did. Reflections are different in the moment than they are five-plus years later, and I wanted to be there for you. Right there. In the moment.
"Drafting My Love Letter"
Pequot Lakes, MN April 2012
Click HERE for the uncut version of this speaking event.
Children's books that explain heaven-arrived baby to his/ her siblings: Alexandra's Rose
Hope Mommies exists to share the hope of Christ with bereaved families experiencing infant loss. Join their online community or find a chapter of this growing ministry near you. They provide hope boxes, small groups and annual retreats.
Making a Momma: When pro-life means pro the momma's life. The baby had zero chance to live. The baby was killing her. Madison and her husband faced a choice that none of us envy. No matter your stance on pro-life, I know that I can trust you to be wholly supportive and encouraging when you respond.
1.) The best gifts I received that week were meals, flowers, babysitters, and time to grieve on my own terms.
2.) If you know anyone who is miscarrying,encourage her to put a strainer across the toilet seat. It will save her from having to fish for her baby. It sounds morbid, but it helps to make a terrible situation just a little bit better.
3.) Be intentional about love. Even worse than saying or doing something wrong, is doing nothing at all.
4.) Mirror her or him. Are they being serious or silly? Is conversation staying at the surface? It's a dance. Let the grieving lead.
Rainbow Babies Photo Shoot
A rainbow baby is the baby born immediately following a miscarriage or early infant loss.
The Latest Family Update:
Clint and I have three angels born to heaven on Sept. 28, 2009, December 10, 2009 and January 13, 2014. We also have three beautiful daughters with whom we share life here on earth—Kaylynn, who is a teenager trapped in a six-year-old's body, Kelly, four, who marches to her own little drum, and Trinity Grace, who was conceived two weeks after our last miscarriage. Trinity is two. She has wicked, mad scientist hair and is not afraid to tell you what she wants.
Clint. He's still a sentence unto himself, and as I type this, I realize where Kelly gets it from. He is currently pastoring Fairfax UMC (Fairfax, MN) and Faith UMC (Sleepy Eye, MN) and plays semi-pro football (#67) in his "spare" time.
If you've read Love Letters to Miscarried Moms, then you understand the significance of the phrase, "Are you ready to be blessed?". (If you haven't read it yet, this is your opportunity.)
God continues to pour out blessings upon my family as we seek to obey Him throughout this humorous adventure called life.
"This book has helped me renew my faith in the Lord--to know that God did not take my baby--death did. This book is a precious gift that I will cherish always."
The pain never completely disappears but it subsides. I can say this with confidence on the other side of grief. There are still moments when pain seems to hit me like a lightening bolt, sharp and poignant.
I still sometimes experience flares of anger toward God at not getting my way.
Every time that happens I force myself to walk back to the cross. The pain that I feel for the separation I have from my children could have been permanent.
My separation from God could have been permanent.
It's hard not to diminish the work of the cross when, like children born into privilege, we have never known anything else.
But I do not know hope without the cross, nor without the Savior who conquered it.
I pray that your heart is lavished with the peace that comes from this blessed assurance.