The night that I miscarried my first child God laid the phrase, the title, "Love Letters to Miscarried Moms" on my heart. On one of the darkest nights of my life, God revealed to me that my purpose in the midst of tragedy was bigger than myself.
I have received many letters of thanks and many letters pleading for comfort and hope. For each one, I respond with a letter, a love letter, and I realize that God knew the ministry that this book would become long before I wrote it.
Hanging in there? At some undistinguished point in the last six years, I went from surviving the day to actively searching out its blessings and striving to be a blessing to others.
If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage quite recently, I can tell you from experience that the grief is survivable.
Sometimes I feel guilty for having had children. I wish so badly that every one of my readers would eventually be blessed with a child, but everyone's story is different.
And sometimes I feel guilty for moving through my grief, but I knew that I would. Something would be wrong if I hadn't.
That's why it was critical for me to write Love Letters when I did. Reflections are different in the moment than they are five-plus years later, and I wanted to be in those moments with you.
The pain doesn't disappear but it subsides. I say this with confidence on the other side of grief. There are still moments when pain hits like a lightening bolt to the heart, sharp and poignant.
"Drafting My Love Letter"
Pequot Lakes, MN April 2012
Click HERE for the uncut version of this speaking event.
Children's books that explain heaven-arrived baby to his/ her siblings: Alexandra's Rose
Hope Mommies exists to share the hope of Christ with bereaved families experiencing infant loss. Join their online community or find a chapter of this growing ministry near you. They provide hope boxes, small groups and annual retreats.
Making a Momma: When pro-life means pro the momma's life. The baby had zero chance to live. The baby was killing her. Madison and her husband faced a choice that none of us envy. No matter your stance on pro-life, I know that I can trust you to be wholly supportive and encouraging when you respond.
1.) The best gifts I received that week were meals, flowers, babysitters, and time to grieve on my own terms.
2.) If you know anyone who is miscarrying,encourage her to put a strainer across the toilet seat. It will save her from having to fish for her baby. It sounds morbid, but it helps to make a terrible situation just a little bit better.
3.) Be intentional about love. Even worse than saying or doing something wrong, is doing nothing at all.
4.) Mirror her or him. Are they being serious or silly? Is conversation staying at the surface? It's a dance. Let the grieving lead.
Rainbow Babies Photo Shoot
A rainbow baby is the baby born immediately following a miscarriage or early infant loss.
"This book has helped me renew my faith in the Lord--to know that God did not take my baby--death did. This book is a precious gift that I will cherish always."
I still sometimes experience flares of anger toward God at not getting my way. Every time that happens I force myself to walk back to the cross. The pain that I feel for the separation I have from my children could have been permanent.
My separation from God could have been permanent.
It's hard not to diminish the work of the cross when, like children born into privilege, we have never known anything else.
But I do not know hope without the cross, nor without the Savior who conquered it.
I pray that your heart is lavished with the peace that comes from this blessed assurance.
Clint and I have three angels born to heaven on Sept. 28, 2009, December 10, 2009 and January 13, 2014. We also have three beautiful daughters with whom we share life here on earth—Kaylynn (2011), who is a teenager trapped in a 7-year-old's body, Kelly (2012), who marches to her own little drum, and Trinity Grace (2014), who was conceived two weeks after our last miscarriage. Trinity has wicked, mad scientist hair and is not afraid to tell you what she wants.
From: Suzy Emre, Lubbock, TX
I can't even begin to tell you how much your book affected me. I've had two miscarriages, 10 & 15 years ago. Unfortunately, I was never able to have children of my own, but 7 years ago I married an amazing man who has 5 children…. So, I'm a mom! God is good. A couple of years ago, I did a candle lighting for October 15th. 6 people came. Last year, we had 30 people and a little news coverage. Praise the Lord, this year is looking like it could be amazing! Our group has grown by leaps and bounds! We created the only support group in the community. So, in your book, when you said get off your butt and do something, I have and I am learning so much about myself through helping others who have been through the same thing. God bless you for your amazing book!
"So, in your book, when you said get off your butt and do something, I have and I am learning so much about myself through helping others who have been through the same thing. God bless you for your amazing book!"
"I just finished reading the book. It reminded me that I am not alone. I could not believe that everything I am feeling is being felt by other miscarried mothers. Your book helped me. Thanks for sharing your story!"
-Jacqlyn, Yardville, NJ
Orange County Christian Writer's Conference
Love Letters to Miscarried Moms
"As with most writing that inspires, this book comes from Samantha’s own story of pain and empty arms. God asked her to write about her experience to comfort other women in the same sad situation, which she did, with gentleness, humor, and “I’ve-been-there” love.